Tired
It's been a tough week for me. And I don't really understand why.Maybe it stems from my A1C at the end of October. In July my A1C had plummeted to 7.0 from 8.4 in April. So I was really looking forward to an even better number.
Running the stats from my Dexcom, I expected at least a small improvement. Especially because I'd been working really hard at improving my diet, adding more exercise. For maybe the first time ever I was starting to think that I had wrestled my diabetes to the ground and won.
Then I got my end of October result.
8.1
What's going on? This number just didn't feel right.
Since then I've had two further A1C tests. One by means of Kevin's excellent A1C-by-mail, HomeCheck A1C, which gave me a result of 7.6 in mid-November. Another at my doctor's office a week later that gave me an A1C of 7.4.
This is one of the great frustrations of diabetes. I'm using a lot of diabetes technology:
- Insulin (like I have a choice)
- Symlin (another injectable drug)
- Insulin pump
- Blood glucose meter (actually several of these)
- Continuous glucose monitor (Dexcom SEVEN)
- Diet
- Exercise
But I notice that my life seems very flat. Colorless.
Yes, I'm still blogging, and still taking daily photos for the Diabetes365 Project. For the most part I'm taking care of myself.Recently this has gotten a lot harder. Maybe it's the same kind of issue that Allison is struggling with, but I don't think so.
Perhaps it's some type of low-level depression, which I know often accompanies diabetes. This disease is so wearing, it's a wonder that more of us aren't depressed.
Whatever it is, I just wish it would stop.
If you've got any suggestions, do please let me know.
Labels: A1C, coping, diabetes, low
posted by Bernard @ 7:09 PM
28 Comments:
Maybe SAD, a little, too. We're coming up on the solstice, and working indoors exacerbates the no-sun-ever thing.
I'm really sorry to hear about the diabetes glumness. I hope things turn around soon. It's so frustrating when there's no obvious answer as to why a person feels a certain way, or why an A1C is what it is.
Best wishes, Bernard.
I think about this sort of thing often, about how much focus is on disease management. There are days when piles of press releases about complications are in my dLife inbox and they make me so damn sad because I see my life trapped in every word.
Then there are days when my co-workers have me in tears from laughing so hard, and everything seems detached and managable and safe if I just stay strong.
I feel like it's a kind of diabetes tide that ebbs and flows and licks at the shores of my life. Some days I want to run and jump in the surf. And other days I want to keep my toes from touching the cold water.
I'm thinking of you, and hoping the tides turn soon.
A1c's never make sense to me. It's always disappointing when it looks like it's gone up.
I agree with Beth! It might be a little SAD. I think everyone deals with it some.
I've been REALLY struggling with my SAD the past couple weeks. There's some outside influences on that, but it doesn't make sense with all the exercise and lightboxing I'm doing.
I'm wondering if the new schedule of DST is making everyone a little blah, because I'm seeing it in a lot of people who don't normally experience the blahs.
Bernard-
Like Rachel said, maybe it's the season. I have been so glum lately, and wonder if it's the lack of sun. I drive to work in the dark, and drive home in the dark. I hate it.
I can relate to the A1c issue. I wonder how many people really feel jazzed when they get their results? I can say, for me, it's always a let down. Never what I hoped it would be, never what I want it to be.
Hang in there. You're working hard to control your diabetes... the payoff will come.
:-)
Molly and Dixie
Sorry, no suggestions - I'm still too new at this. Just hang in there and keep on whatevering... Your posts always give me hope and encouragement. Thank you!
bernard,
think to yourself, "i will not let a number define me". you are SO MUCH MORE than that stupid number. think of all the good you do. don't let that number tell you who you are.
you are BETTER than that number!
landileigh
Hi Bernard,
I hear you! I get so frustrated and feel so defeated when my A1c goes up (or doesn't go down), which is OFTEN -- despite all the technology and my diligence.
I get equally frustrated and feel equally defeated when people say "What? YOU? With your fancy wireless pump?" -- as if diabetes were an exact science.
We can work our butts off to get things right, and still "fail." So it's perfectly normal to feel deflated.
I wish I had a clever suggestion for you, Bernard, but all I can say is, I too am walking in your shoes...
Bernard,
Try adding 1000 IU of Vitamin D and some calcium to your daily regimen. I have found it makes a HUGE difference in my mood. It's supposed to help insulin sensitivity, but I'm taking it now for the mood support.
Also, re the higher than expected A1c, I had the same thing happen--much better blood sugars and a higher A1c. One possibility is that because I was eating more sugary stuff thanks to the effectiveness of my insulin, the fructose, which doesn't register on the glucose meter may have caused more glycosylation.
Bernard, please please please don't get caught up in the numbers (yeah, I should talk - I do it all the time too).
It sounds like you are doing you best in a very responsible manner - and I too hate it when effort does not correspond with results.
Holiday stress and short hours of daylight don't make things any easier.
Trust that better days will come.
PS - do people do geocaching in the winter? I would think not, as everything could be buried by snow.
Thanks for all of the kind comments. I hadn't really considered the daylight savings time, so that may well be part of it.
Jenny I'm already Calcium and additional vitamin D, I'll check my dosing on that.
Kathy I'm sure people do geocaching during the winter, though if there's a lot of hard snow on the ground it's more of a challenge. You remind me that I'll have to look into geocaching next time I go to Ireland. I'll bet there are sites over there too.
Hey Bernard,
Majore suckage man.
It is so hard to stay positive with this thing. I think that even with all of the great tools we have, our treatment is still very primitive. No match for a working endocrine system.
I fight with depression, and I fight with is a lot. I think many of us do, and that is not surprising considering all the "stuff" we have to deal with.
I would encourage you to seek some help in that regard, even if it means adding an anti-depressant to the mix. I have been on them for a long time now. Sometimes they don't seem to do the trick for me, but I often wonder just how bad I'd feel if I weren't taking anything...
The A1C may be off also. I remember reading something that said A1C is not truly the average of the last 30-90 days --- instead it is very front weighted. That also matches with our experience (my son is T1) --- when we have a low-range day and day before of A1C test it comes in lower than expected... and the reverse is also true.
Best of luck and thanks for the great blog!
Hey Bernard,
What's the lowest A1C you've ever had? Any possibility that you're a high glycator?
Melissa
A1C I don't doubt that there's some loading going on. But my overall range has definitely been lower (based on 90 day averages from the Dexcom).
Melissa I've had A1Cs of around 6.8 in 2005, 2003 and 1999. Back then I wasn't working as hard on this as I was more recently. It's very disheartening. I've not heard the term glycator before, I'll read a little what I see about it on the web.
Sorry to hear you're a little down in the dumps. It sucks how diabetes throws us curve balls (whether it's an unexpected blood sugar reading or an A1c reading that doesn't jive). These are jarring and I know they bring me down, too. Makes me feel like "what's the point?".
And regarding the "high-glycator" bit, I've investigated it a bit myself (see here and here).
We both know what the point is, though. Hopefully some holiday cheer will be coming your way real soon!
I'm trying not to worry about the numbers right now, or at least not to concentrate on them, but it must be the season. I've been down and lonely lately, and I was thinking it was just me!
Sometimes the frustration comes in huge doses, and I think the most we can do is lean on each other, and try to stay as diligent as possible. Sometimes we're just dealt the crappy cards--let's hope that soon we're passed something better!
Bernard - although i love my Dexcom, i do find that it makes me very irriated with diabetes much more than i was b4 Dex. Seeing my BS rise and fall---or rise, rise, rise---insulin is on board...it should be slowing down...still rising, rising....ok maybe i will take another little bolus....ka - pow....falling fast now...bottoming out...treat for a low...crap i am 45.
Dex says my average is 138---but he is not always right...getting a new a1c next week
I do wonder, what does dex say your avg bs is?
Hey Bernard. For some reason, I just couldn't stop thinking about this post. It's so frustrating to know that you're using the latest and greatest technologies and all the techniques available to you, and your A1c still isn't where you want it. Understandably depressing.
I have confidence that you will work this out. Like others have said, don't get too hung up on the exact number. Keep your spirits up and do things that you enjoy.
Anyway, just wanted to let you know that I've been thinking about you and I hope you're feeling better.
Hi Bernard,
My mother started a few months ago to have hard to control diabetes at night. Except for the diabetes, she is a very healthy 81 years old. She travels and has lots of girlfriends. I noticed that when she eats a health portion of meat for dinner and takes 2-3 sips of glucerna before going to bed, she sleeps through the night and does not wake up several times to go to the rest room as she had before. Vinegar lowers blood sugar so be careful of foods that have lots of vinegar. Hope this helps.
Hi Bernard, I hear you and feel your frustration. I too struggle with my A1C's and have over the course of the last 14 years. There isn't one solution or one thing I could put my finger on and know it was the reason ... but just try on a daily basis to do the best I can. Your writings have had much meaning to me and its part of my daily morning routine before work begins. Know that you are touching the lives of those you don't even know. Thanks for your honesty. JoAnn
Bernard - I'd take a weekend and forget about diabetes; now I don't mean don't bolus for your meals but detach from the dexcom, eat a little less healthy and do something fun. Just refresh yourself and recharge - this diesease is tough to deal with and sometimes you just need to get away from it as much as you can. So grab a bacon cheeseburger, have some fries then on Monday get back in the saddle but take some time to breath.
Bernard -
Thanks for adding me to your diabetes search engine - I am adding you to my diabetes roll out. I've only been doing the blog thing for a few months so please forgive me if I don't use the proper terminology.
Have great Holiday and talk with you soon!
Kelly Kunik
Just wanted to say, that I hope things are looking up.
I also hope you have a wonderful Christmas!
Hi Bernard,
Just wanted to tell you that I am thinking about you and hope that you are having a refreshing break.
Happy Holidays!
I think we all get "tired." Lets face it, we never,ever get to take a break from diabetes. Not even weekend pass! Combine that with SAD and the holidays and your bond feel blue. Keep up th good work, continue to take those fabulous pics, and go watch a movie that makes you laugh from your gut
Just thought I'd swing by and send you a big virtual hug, from another tired diabetic brother... :)
Hope the new year brings us boat loads of energy to keep up the fight.
For now, get some well deserved rest, man, as much as you can.
Bernard, Thank you for posting this. I think a lot of us struggle with this. As you know, I, too, recently experienced a bout of depression. I went on Lexapro (and came home!) and I feel better. Not earth-shattering better, but I notice a difference.
Sometimes that damn A1C number hurts. My last one was the highest in a long time, also 8.1. That hurt. I have another one in a few weeks, but I don't want to hope for a better result, though secretly, of course, I do.
Thinking of you!
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